


Everything Has Changed

by FireflysLove



Series: Something Good and Right and Real [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Wakes Up, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War Fix-It, Handwavery, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Vision/Wanda Maximoff hinted at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 21:40:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6771295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireflysLove/pseuds/FireflysLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year after the events of Civil War, Steve returns to Bucky with a solution. (Civil War spoilers/fix-it fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Has Changed

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning of this fic is one of the most difficult things I've ever written. Like breathtakingly painful. Aaaaand then it devolves into smutty fluff? This is about twice as long as I was planning, and it was _extremely_ cathartic to write.

“You’re sure about this?” Wanda asks.

Steve looks down at the book in his hands, running it over in his mind one more time, “Are you?” he replies.

“We only get one chance,” Wanda says. “Otherwise…”

“I know,” Steve says. Then, to the technician, “Open it.”

 

* * *

 

It’s a year to the day that Steve returns to Wakanda, the fifth year he’s been out of the ice, and the least difficult of them, if he’s honest. He spent eight years as Captain America on a hundred different battlefields, but the thirty three he’s spent as _Steve Rogers_ outweigh those eight more than he thinks anyone could ever understand. Most people didn’t understand how he could put the shield down and walk away, but it was as easy as breathing. Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes against the world, ‘til the end of the line. That was the promise they had made too many lifetimes ago. And it was the only promise that truly mattered to Steve. So he put down the shield and went away into the mist with Bucky.

He’s known for six months what he’s going to do, but it took that long to convince himself and Wanda that it was a good decision. Not that Wanda needed much convincing.

 

* * *

 

He sees Bucky’s eyes flicker open, and Wanda steps up behind him, fingers shimmering with her power as she sinks into his mind. Steve begins to speak.

“ _Longing._ ” Bucky’s eyes widen.

“ _Rusted”_ They narrow.

 _“Seventeen”_ His jaw drops.

 _“Daybreak”_ “NO!”

 _“Furnace”_ His eyes start to glaze over.

 _“Nine”_ His jaw clenches.

“ _Benign”_ He screams.

 _“Homecoming”_ He sits up, snapping the restraints.

 _“One”_ Bucky’s eyes close.

 _“Freight Car”_ The Winter Soldier opens his eyes, standing in front of Steve, a submissive predator.

“ _Soldier?_ ”

The Soldier looks up, and it takes Steve’s breath away. He’s seen those eyes trying to kill him more than once, even if the face they’re attached to is more familiar than his own.

“Wanda?” he asks.

“I know how to do it,” she replies, an unfinished statement.

“But?” Steve asks.

“You’re going to have to do _that_ again,” she says softly.

“No,” Steve says. “I… I can’t.”

“Steve,” Wanda says, giving the Soldier a wide berth as she comes over to Steve. She puts her hand on his shoulder. “It will work. I _know_ it will work. And then this will never happen to him again.”

Steve closes his eyes and bites back a scream. The first time had been almost physically painful.

“We have to snap him out of this first,” Steve says. “Then refreeze him and wake him up again.”

“Yes,” Wanda says.

“The only way I know how to do that is the Natasha Romanoff Method of Cognitive Recalibration™,” Steve says.

“I can do it, but… he’s going to know it was you,” she says.

“I knew going in that he might hate me on the other side of it, but at least he’ll be free of… this,” Steve says, gesturing to the Soldier standing in front of him.

Wanda nods, then steps between them, fingers going to the Soldier’s temples. He blinks, and Bucky Barnes’ face crumples.

“Why?” he says softly.

Steve struggles for an answer. For too long, it seems, because Bucky looks up at him, all the emotion returned to his face.

“I loved you,” Bucky says. “I never thought… _why?_ ”

Wanda opens her mouth as if to say something, but closes it after a moment. Bucky looks outside, at the mist-shrouded rainforest.

“Put me back under if you’re done playing with me,” he says.

The technician pushes Steve aside, and helps Bucky back into the tank. The straps are broken, but he doesn’t even look at them, keeping his gaze on the window. There’s a hiss of air, and Bucky’s asleep again.

 

* * *

 

They have to wait a full day to wake him up again. Too dangerous to bring someone out of cryo so often, even with a supersoldier’s constitution.

Steve runs off to the bathroom as soon as the technician assures him that all systems are functional.

He spends half an hour in there, alone, alternating between retching, then dry heaving, into the toilet and using an entire roll of toilet paper to stop the tears from soaking his shirt. Finally, he feels empty, and dry. He hauls himself up off the floor, flushes the toilet, and comes out of the bathroom.

Wanda comes up next to him, holding a bottle of water. “You look like shit,” she says.

“I feel even worse,” Steve says. “I’m no better than Rumlow.”

“Of course you are,” Wanda says. “Unless you took _enjoyment_ in that, you’re nothing like them.”

“Bucky certainly seemed to think I was,” Steve says.

“You know why you couldn’t tell him,” Wanda says. “There’s no way to tell how much the Soldier knows that Bucky does, and the Soldier can’t know what’s coming. So you’ll tell him after. And he will forgive you.”

“You can’t know that,” Steve says.

“Do not forget, I was just in his head. I know depth and breadth of the love that man has for you,” Wanda says. “He will forgive you. If someone loves you… they will forgive you.”

Steve doesn’t think she’s speaking of just Bucky then.

 

* * *

 

Steve takes a shuddering breath, and the technician flips the switch again. It’s a repeat of yesterday, the vapor clearing as Bucky wakes.

Steve doesn’t start immediately this time, allowing Bucky to get his bearings. He finally looks over at Steve, and his face goes stony, then he looks at the ceiling again.

“You’re no better than they were,” he says.

Steve nearly drops the book, wants to step forward, to make Bucky stop thinking Steve hates him, only wants him for the Soldier, but a hand on his shoulder, Wanda’s, stops him.

“You have to do it now,” she says _sotto voce._ She steps around the back of Bucky, and puts her hands on his temples. He flinches, but says nothing.

Steve begins.

 _Longing._ Bucky takes a deep breath.

 _Rusted._ Bucky’s hand tightens.

 _Seventeen._ Wanda’s fingers glow brighter.

 _Daybreak._ Bucky’s hand unclenches.

 _Furnace._ Wanda clenches her teeth.

 _Nine._ Bucky begins to shake.

 _Benign._ Bucky begins to scream.

 _Homecoming._ Wanda begins to crumple, but the technician holds her up.

 _One._ Bucky’s eyes close.

 _Freight Car._ Bucky’s eyes open.

Steve puts the book down on the table as the technician hauls the now unconscious Wanda to a nearby chair. He cautiously approaches Bucky, who is breathing heavily.

Bucky’s head snaps around, his face streaked with sweat, eyes wide.

“Bucky?” Steve asks.

Bucky sits up, then stands up, holding his hand out like he’s never seen it before. Then he looks at Steve.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve says.

“I… don’t understand,” Bucky says. “You used the words. _You_ used the words. I trusted you. Everything else goes to shit, but I still trusted… you.”

“I had to,” Steve says. “It was the only way.”

“To what?” Bucky asks, bitingly. “See if the Winter Soldier was still here? Good news, pal, he is.”

“No,” Wanda says weakly from the chair, where the technician has given her a bottle of juice. “He is not.”

Bucky whips around toward her.

“What?” he says.

“The programming for the Soldier is no longer in your head,” she says, sounding stronger with each word.

“The only way for us to decondition you was for the process to be erased while it was happening,” Steve says.

“The Soldier is gone?” Bucky asks.

“There’s only one way to really tell…” Steve says.

“You have to say them again,” Bucky says.

“Yes,” Steve says.

Bucky closes his eyes.

“Do it,” he says.

Steve opens the book again, even though the words are already etched into his memory.

 _Longing._ Bucky closes his eyes

_Rusted._

_Seventeen._

_Daybreak._

_Furnace._ Bucky opens his eyes

_Nine._

_Benign._

_Homecoming._

_One._

_Freight Car._ Bucky smiles.

“It worked,” he says to himself. “It worked!”

Steve smiles cautiously. “It worked.”

“I… I am sorry,” Bucky says.

“Why are _you_ sorry?” Steve asks, shocked.

“I compared you to Hydra,” Bucky says. “My god, Steve, can you imagine?”

“I certainly feel like it,” Steve says. Neither of them notice Wanda and the technician leaving the room.

Bucky steps forward then, toward Steve, and Steve backs up a step without a thought. Bucky stops.

“No, Steve, no,” Bucky says. “You could never. They _delighted_ in this. They’d sometimes wake me up just to make me lift something heavy or as a party trick. But you could never be sick and twisted like that. _Never._ ”

“I threw up yesterday,” Steve says softly.

Bucky snorts, “Of course you did. Do you think Rumlow or Zemo ever gave it a second thought?”

“I know Rumlow didn’t,” Steve spits. “Bastard died too quick.”

“We’ll talk about that later,” Bucky says. “But… can I touch you?”

Steve looks him in the eye then. They’re clear and bright and so blue Steve thinks, not for the first time, that he could drown in them. He nods dumbly.

Bucky puts his hand on Steve’s shoulder, tightening his thumb almost painfully. Steve shudders at the contact. It’s been a long time since anyone’s touched him in a way other than platonically.

A thousand emotions overwhelm him, and he closes his eyes against their stinging, willing the tears away, then Bucky pulls him into his chest, and he murmurs in Steve’s ear, “It’s all right, I’ve got you.”

A thought crosses the back of Steve’s mind that it should be _him_ comforting _Bucky_ , but he ignores it in favor of burrowing his head into Bucky’s chest. He soaks Bucky’s shirt, and at some point, Bucky pulls them into the chair, pulling Steve down into his lap. Steve’s surprised to find that once again, Bucky is bigger than him. For the last two years before the ice, he had been bigger than Bucky, and it had always felt wrong. But now Bucky’s the right size again, and Steve’s world, so different than he could have imagined ten years ago, slots back into place again. He _fits_ again. He clutches the back of Bucky’s shirt even tighter as this releases a new flood of tears. Bucky says nothing, just stroking his hand up and down Steve’s back, occasionally pressing his face into Steve’s hair.

Finally, Steve runs out of tears. Bucky hands him Wanda’s abandoned bottle of juice and he drinks it in one long pull.

He goes to stand up, but Bucky’s hand on his shoulder keeps him down.

Bucky smiles at him, then. “I still love you,” he says.

Steve’s heart twists. Yesterday Bucky said _I loved you_. Now he says it like it never stopped.

He must spend too much time in his head, because Bucky’s smile fades and he looks away. “I know it’s been a long time…”

“Oh, god no, Buck,” Steve says. “Never. It’s always been you.”

Bucky looks at him again. “Always?”

“’Til the end of the line,” Steve says.

Bucky leans forward, catching the back of Steve’s head in his hand. “Can I kiss you?” he asks.

Steve nods.

It’s a lot like their first kiss, that rainy day in 1936. But eighty one years, a thousand lifetimes, and two continents can’t change them. They’re still the same stupid kids who lived in a shitty apartment in Brooklyn.

It’s soft and quiet and their lips are both chapped. Steve’s face is sticky and wet from the tears, and Bucky’s is dry from a year spent in cryo. They both are in desperate need of a shave. But Steve wouldn’t change it for the world.

He desperately clings to the back of Bucky’s shirt, nearly as tightly as Bucky clings to his hair. They lean back so that Bucky’s weight is supported by the back of the chair.

“Please tell me that’s not the first kiss you’ve had since 1945,” Bucky says as they catch their breath, forehead to forehead.

“I’m ninety nine, not dead,” Steve says, echoing that long-ago conversation he’d had with Natasha. “I’ll have you know I’ve had _four_ kisses since 1945.”

Bucky snorts. “Who?”

“You were there for one of them,” Steve says.

Bucky scrunches his eyebrows together. “Wasn’t that Peggy’s niece?”

“I’m not sure why that happened,” Steve says.

“None since then?” Bucky asks.

“Sharon and I both agreed that a thing between us would be far too strange, given her great-aunt and the fact that she spied on me for the first two years that I knew her,” Steve says.

“And the other three kisses?” Bucky asks.

“Peggy, the first time I saw her after New York. Natasha, while Hydra was trying to kill us. And Thor. There was mistletoe and alcohol involved in that one,” Steve says.

“I guess I’m going to have to make up for five missed years,” Bucky says, a smirk playing around his lips. His face grows serious. “Only if you want to…”

“Of course I do, Buck,” Steve says. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

“You gave up your entire life for me, didn’t you?” Bucky asks.

“Captain America wasn’t my life,” Steve says. “I said before, it’s _always_ been you before anything else. I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.”

Bucky twists his head and kisses him again, this time more heated, it’s more aggressive, the kind of kisses Steve’s more familiar with from Bucky, and Steve sinks into it. Bucky stands them up and flips them around, sitting himself on Steve’s lap. This, at least, is different. Steve can support Bucky’s entire weight now.

Bucky slides his hand up Steve’s shirt, relying on Steve to keep him upright. Steve shivers, makes a quiet noise.

“How long’s it been since you did _this?_ ” Bucky asks against Steve’s mouth.

“Seventy years, give or take,” Steve replies.

“Mmm,” Bucky says. He bites Steve’s earlobe possessively. “Always knew I ruined you for anyone else.”

“From the first day,” Steve says. “Until forever.”

Bucky sits back, and gestures impatiently at the hem of Steve’s shirt. Steve obliges him, tossing it off into the room somewhere. Bucky’s own shirt is easier to remove, having been designed for the purpose, and it slides off his arm and shoulder with ease.

“We should talk about this,” Steve says.

“Do you… not want to?” Bucky asks.

“More than anything,” Steve breathes.

“Then we can talk after,” Bucky says. “I’ve waited seventy goddamn years for this, I’m not waiting a day longer.”

“Good,” Steve says.

Bucky goes back to nibbling on Steve’s ear and neck while Steve’s hands map the unfamiliar contours of the scarring on Bucky’s back. He even cautiously runs his hand over what’s left of Bucky’s left arm before retreating to the safety of Bucky’s hair.

The _hair_. It’s incredibly soft, and Steve runs his fingers through it reverently.

Bucky groans at this, sucking a hickey into Steve’s neck.

“ _Bucky_ ,” Steve murmurs.

Bucky’s hand slides down Steve’s chest, then into the waistband of his pants.

“You’re still all right with this?” Bucky asks.

“Yes,” Steve says. “God yes.”

Bucky slides his hand down the back of Steve’s pants, grabbing a handful of his ass.

“God, when I get another arm, I’m going to spend an entire goddamn day with this ass,” Bucky says.

Steve whimpers. Bucky chuckles.

He loosens the button, pulls down Steve’s fly, and tugs none-too-gently. Steve takes the hint and lifts his hips, shoving his pants down to his knees.

 _“_ God _damn_ ,” Bucky says. “Memory’s got nothing on the real thing.”

Steve blushes from his face all the way down his chest.

Bucky smiles at him, plants his hand in the middle of Steve’s chest and lifts his own hips. Steve shoves Bucky’s pants all the way off, and they crumple on the floor.

Steve takes his own moment to gape at Bucky’s body before his vision whites out as Bucky takes his cock in hand, stroking it with a practiced ease, learned from years together. Steve’s eyes snap open and all he sees is blue _blue **blue**_. He reaches out blindly and grasps Bucky with much less finesse. Bucky apparently doesn’t mind, because his teeth fasten on Steve’s ear again.

He’s murmuring under his breath, “ _So long. It’s been so long, baby doll, my baby doll, my Stevie, god so long._ ” Steve reaches his other hand around, and pulls Bucky closer to him, chest to chest, where Bucky can take them both in his hand. The contact makes him shiver again, and he buries his face in Bucky’s shoulder.

“Tell me, Stevie,” Bucky says. “I need you to tell me.”

“Oh god, Buck,” Steve says. “Love you so much. Love you, love you, love you.”

“Who do you love?”

“You Bucky, only you.”

“You mine?” Bucky asks.

“Always,” Steve says. “Yours, always. I love you.”

“Shit, Stevie, I’m so close,” Bucky says. “You?”

“Oh _god_ ,” Steve says. “Bucky, oh god _Bucky_ , yours, forever, love….” With this, Steve spills into Bucky’s hand.

“Mine,” Bucky says, fastening his teeth into the mark he made earlier on Steve’s neck as he comes, seconds after Steve.

Steve clutches at Bucky’s back, afraid this has all been a horrible dream and that he’ll wake up in a dingy hotel somewhere in the middle of South America. But no, Bucky is here, _he_ is here.

He realizes then that they haven’t left the room where Bucky was in cryo. The glass walled room. He stiffens at that, and Bucky notices.

“Steve?” Bucky asks, worry creeping into his voice.

“I… anyone could walk in…” Steve says very quietly.

Bucky blinks at him a few times, then begins to laugh, to laugh so hard it shakes his entire body and he nearly falls off Steve’s lap.

“I think your friend took care of that,” Bucky finally says. “There’s no one out there, no one’s come by at all.”

“I… have a room…” Steve says. “If you… wanted to go there?”

“I could use some clothes that aren’t white,” Bucky says. “Besides, what else is a bed good for?”

Steve smiles at him. “God, I love you.”

“I love you, too, punk,” Bucky says.

“Good, now get off me, jerk,” Steve says.

“You weren’t complaining about the jerking a few minutes ago,” Bucky says, wrapping a convineintly placed blanket around himself.

Steve blushes furiously again.

“You’re so pretty when you blush like that,” Bucky says, leering at Steve.

“You haven’t changed a damn bit,” Steve says.

“Of course I have,” Bucky says. “So have you. But the important parts are still here,” he taps his temple. “And that’s all that matters.”

Steve steps forward, catching the blanket that Bucky throws at him, then taking Bucky’s face in his hands and kissing him. The future’s going to be rough, he knows it is, but they have each other, forever, and…

 

That’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Come bother me on [Tumblr](http://fireflyslove.tumblr.com).


End file.
